Life Lesson On Gambling - How NOT to Teach Your Kids

So there we were me and my little family (wife, 2 sons 1 daughter), the Denny’s lunch did leave a little something to be desired but hey, when kids eat free and you have 3 kids who cares. Though I’m on to you Denny’s. Kid’s eat free my ass I like how you conveniently leave out the drinks…Tell me good sirs how do you, in good conscious charge 2.99 for an 8 ounce glass of OJ? $57 dollars later and we’re sitting around talking, joking and just spending some time together as a family.

When we first walked in we noticed the bane of every fiscally responsible parent looming in the corner, that talon of tattered dreams,  those pincers of parental demise, those hooks of hopes lost, the claw game designed by Satan himself:

Now my custom with this game had been to completely say no when the kids would ask for money. Historically this worked, why then did I say OK to the kids on this day? That question will haunt me for years I suspect. Now my two sons burned through their dollar each in under 2 minutes. At 50 cents a game that was 2 games a kid, more than enough to scratch the itch by my reckoning. My daughter though decided to perform a more intense information recon with the claw game. Let me back up a minute in the story. Let it be known that I did put up “the good fight”. My initial response was “no, it’s a waste of money, save your money and spend it on something you KNOW you’re going to get.” After a little begging and daddy being full of food and in a good mood I caved, BUT, I did preface each dollar with “if you lose you can never ask me to play again” along with a speech about saving your money. See when I said this I ran the numbers in my head and clearly the odds were in my favor, as a parent you want to teach your kids lessons when you can, the lesson I had in mind was that if you gamble with a shark you lose no matter what. In my mind I’d painted myself as the shark, giving unfair odds and unrealistic terms (NEVER). How could I lose, the kids would play, get what they wanted, and also learn that they’d wasted money, add to that the agreement that they’d NEVER be able to ask me to play again. What a smart dad, I should write a book. Not only that but the following commercial (click here for youtube video) more than inspired me on this topic. So in recap I had:

Logic, Odds, Statistics and even a commercial in my corner….

So there I sat talking to my wife. Son #1 comes back from the claw emptied handed, I smile. I say, “Now you see what I was saying, what a waste of a dollar and look, you have nothing to show for it.” “I know daddy you were right, I should have saved it,” my son says. Mission accomplished. *Pat self on back*

Son #2 comes back from the claw…empty handed, again I smile. I say,“See what I was saying, it’s a waste.” “You’re right daddy, next time I’ll save it,” my son says.

Phase two of “Operation Save Your Money” is going as planned. “Hey where’s your sister?” I say. “Go back and wait for her.” See what I did there, I am showing them to be responsible for each other and look after one another. I’m batting 1000 on this “teach your kids life lessons” afternoon.

About 3 minutes later my daughter comes around the table. She has a large stuffed bear in a NY Yankee’s hat along with the biggest most beautiful eyes full of excitement. The sense of accomplishment on her face is rivaled in enormity only by the size of her smile.  

Shit, Crap, damn it all to hell.

“Look daddy, I TOLD YOU IT WASN’T A WASTE.

.

.

.

Son of a biotch.

I say, “Good job princess, but you got lucky love, normally you lose.” OK now I know this SOUNDS like I’m being an ass about the situation but I really tried to play up the “Good job princess” at the same time I recognize that I’m standing on the edge of knife here so I have to highlight that it was luck.

She says, “no daddy I knew what I was doing, I’m going to go back and use my other money” (she was 5 so don’t fault the improper grammer)

YES!!! I think to myself. She’ll play, lose her 50 cents, and realize the first try was luck. “Operation Save Your Money” is back on track. Damn it I’m a great dad, I should write a book.

I hear a distant, “woohoo”, “YES!!!”, “cool”

Fuk

There’s no way right? I tell myself maybe they found a dollar, perhaps one of them found a stranger handing out candy…god let it be a stranger handing out candy.

Around comes my daughter. Now she has a Diamondback Teddy bear.

First off who the hell puts a Yankee bear in the same box you put a D-Back bear, that’s just wrong on so many levels.

Second, wtf was the “box stuffer” doing? Certainly not his job. Whichever cut rate carny class he took on proper box stuffing needs to be investigated. I mean seriously 2 bears 1 dollar you can’t sustain a claw game business with that type of turn over. I want answers.

In one afternoon I think I pushed my daughter into gambling. This can’t be life.

Since this day “the crane game”, as my daughter calls it, is now used as a positive reinforcement (when she aces a spelling test for instance) and I’ve at least been able to make her see that overall it is a loss. But I swear this girl wins more stuffed animals than any one single person I’ve ever known. She has a gift.

As a final thought….

Never underestimate your children’s ability to defy Logic, Odds, Statistics and even a commercial. And more importantly never try to teach your kids about gambling by gambling, you make sure those games are completely fixed before you go making wild bets with your kids. :)