So there we were me and my little family (wife, 2 sons 1
daughter), the Denny’s lunch did leave a little something to be desired but
hey, when kids eat free and you have 3 kids who cares. Though I’m on to you
Denny’s. Kid’s eat free my ass I like how you conveniently leave out the drinks…Tell
me good sirs how do you, in good conscious charge 2.99 for an 8 ounce glass of
OJ? $57 dollars later and we’re sitting around talking, joking and just
spending some time together as a family.
When we first walked in we noticed the bane of every fiscally
responsible parent looming in the corner, that talon of tattered dreams, those pincers of parental demise, those hooks
of hopes lost, the claw game designed by Satan himself:
Now my custom with this game had been to completely say no
when the kids would ask for money. Historically this worked, why then did I say
OK to the kids on this day? That question will haunt me for years I suspect.
Now my two sons burned through their dollar each in under 2 minutes. At 50
cents a game that was 2 games a kid, more than enough to scratch the itch by my
reckoning. My daughter though decided to perform a more intense information
recon with the claw game. Let me back up a minute in the story. Let it be known
that I did put up “the good fight”. My initial response was “no, it’s a waste
of money, save your money and spend it on something you KNOW you’re going to
get.” After a little begging and daddy being full of food and in a good mood I caved,
BUT, I did preface each dollar with “if you lose you can never ask me to play
again” along with a speech about saving your money. See when I said this I ran
the numbers in my head and clearly the odds were in my favor, as a parent you
want to teach your kids lessons when you can, the lesson I had in mind was that
if you gamble with a shark you lose no matter what. In my mind I’d painted
myself as the shark, giving unfair odds and unrealistic terms (NEVER). How
could I lose, the kids would play, get what they wanted, and also learn that
they’d wasted money, add to that the agreement that they’d NEVER be able to ask
me to play again. What a smart dad, I should write a book. Not only that but
the following commercial (click here for youtube video) more than inspired me on this topic. So in recap I had:
Logic, Odds, Statistics and even a commercial in my corner….
So there I sat talking to my wife. Son #1 comes back from the claw emptied handed, I smile. I say, “Now you see what I was saying, what a waste of a dollar and look, you have nothing to show for it.” “I know daddy you were right, I should have saved it,” my son says. Mission accomplished. *Pat self on back*
So there I sat talking to my wife. Son #1 comes back from the claw emptied handed, I smile. I say, “Now you see what I was saying, what a waste of a dollar and look, you have nothing to show for it.” “I know daddy you were right, I should have saved it,” my son says. Mission accomplished. *Pat self on back*
Son #2 comes back from the claw…empty handed, again I smile.
I say,“See what I was saying, it’s a waste.” “You’re right daddy, next time I’ll
save it,” my son says.
Phase two of “Operation Save Your Money” is going as planned. “Hey where’s your sister?” I say. “Go back and wait for her.” See what I did there, I am showing them to be responsible for each other and look after one another. I’m batting 1000 on this “teach your kids life lessons” afternoon.
Phase two of “Operation Save Your Money” is going as planned. “Hey where’s your sister?” I say. “Go back and wait for her.” See what I did there, I am showing them to be responsible for each other and look after one another. I’m batting 1000 on this “teach your kids life lessons” afternoon.
About 3 minutes later my daughter comes around the table.
She has a large stuffed bear in a NY Yankee’s hat along with the biggest most
beautiful eyes full of excitement. The sense of accomplishment on her face is
rivaled in enormity only by the size of her smile.
Shit, Crap, damn it all to hell.
“Look daddy, I TOLD YOU IT WASN’T A WASTE.
.
.
.
Son of a biotch.
I say, “Good job princess, but you got lucky love, normally
you lose.” OK now I know this SOUNDS like I’m being an ass about the situation
but I really tried to play up the “Good job princess” at the same time I recognize
that I’m standing on the edge of knife here so I have to highlight that it was
luck.
She says, “no daddy I knew what I was doing, I’m going to go
back and use my other money” (she was 5 so don’t fault the improper grammer)
YES!!! I think to myself. She’ll play, lose her 50 cents,
and realize the first try was luck. “Operation Save Your Money” is back on
track. Damn it I’m a great dad, I should write a book.
I hear a distant, “woohoo”, “YES!!!”, “cool”
Fuk
There’s no way right? I tell myself maybe they found a
dollar, perhaps one of them found a stranger handing out candy…god let it be a
stranger handing out candy.
Around comes my daughter. Now she has a Diamondback Teddy
bear.
First off who the hell puts a Yankee bear in the same box
you put a D-Back bear, that’s just wrong on so many levels.
Second, wtf was the “box stuffer” doing? Certainly not his
job. Whichever cut rate carny class he took on proper box stuffing needs to be
investigated. I mean seriously 2 bears 1 dollar you can’t sustain a claw game
business with that type of turn over. I want answers.
In one afternoon I think I pushed my daughter into gambling.
This can’t be life.
Since this day “the crane game”, as my daughter calls it, is
now used as a positive reinforcement (when she aces a spelling test for instance) and I’ve at
least been able to make her see that overall it is a loss. But I swear this
girl wins more stuffed animals than any one single person I’ve ever known. She
has a gift.
As a final thought….
Never underestimate your children’s ability to defy Logic, Odds,
Statistics and even a commercial. And more importantly never try to teach your
kids about gambling by gambling, you make sure those games are completely fixed
before you go making wild bets with your kids. :)
